Bear Droppings

On my drives to and from Chicago, I have generally preferred the less-traveled roads. I try to avoid interstates as much as possible. But having to deal with picking up and returning my sister to TX during the last trip, it was much easier to stay on the interstates. I made an observation about the current condition of traveling down the interstates. It seems there has been an explosion of higher-end motels in secondary markets. It was common to see Motel 6 and Super 8's at smaller towns/cities along the freeways. But now there is much more variety with upscale places like Holiday Inn Express, Hampton Inns, and all sorts of "lower end" offerings from the Hilton and Hyatt brands. I guess they are catering to travelers like me who don't mind forking over a little more money for slightly better conditions and perhaps a nice breakfast. Sure, 30-40 years ago I wouldn't think twice about staying at a Motel 6. But now when I hear about all of the shootings that take place at our local ones as well as hearing that bums are given vouchers to stay at them, I avoid them like the plague. I graduated to Super 8, but they started turning pretty ghetto as well. I still might do a Days Inn, but they can be hit or miss. We stayed at one in Tulsa, and it was fine; nice and modern. Last year I stayed at one in Wichita that was pretty sketchy with a bum sleeping on the grass. So now I would rather stay in a more "fancy" place, even if it is only for a few hours. Yeah, I would much rather spend the money on places where I tend to be there for awhile (like visiting Mom), but I can afford it. Better safe than sorry.

That song title from Jackson Browne suddenly popped into my head as I started this post. Now I need to listen to it.

I'm back in ABQ after, what will hopefully be, the last drive to Chicago for quite some time. My sister and I spent 5 days making 5 trips to Goodwill to donate the stuff that still had some use. Probably almost the same amount went into garbage cans. The remaining items fit snugly into a mini-van to be brought back west. We also left all of the furniture and other selected items in the house to be disposed of by our uncle and his family. Hopefully my dealings with the house are now over. I just need to make sure the title is in his name. It sure as heck isn't in mine. We also closed out most of Mom's accounts which added a significant bump to my net worth. There's just one CD floating out there where she forgot to specify a beneficiary.

I wept a little as I sat in my old bedroom on Friday night realizing it will probably be the last time I would sleep in that room and in that house. The final tie would be cut the next morning. There was also a sense of freedom on that Saturday as I drove away. That string that connected me was also holding me back. It was now one less thing I had to worry about. I closed the chapter of that part of my life. Last year was a hard one but a good one. Like I said here before, the story ended in probably the best way it could have. Time to start writing some more happier stories.

Next week I have the unenviable task of going through Mom's stuff and putting them into respective keep/toss/donate piles. My sister will be helping which may or not be a good thing. We shall see. We only have a few days to accomplish the task as well as take care of other pressing needs/tasks. As I had mentioned previously, I had already started this task, somewhat, last year. I shredded a bunch of old stuff and took a couple furmobile-loads of stuff back with me. There is nothing of great value left, but we need to go through everything to make sure. Last year I got a small gut-punch when I saw my favorite clock sitting on a table. It was something I had hoped to inherit. It's nothing great, but I grew up with those hourly chimes. I think it drove Kitty nuts on her visits, but tough titties. It would chime in our house. Well...it would have if Mom hadn't knocked it off the wall and broken it. Hopefully we can get it fixed.

The problem with me is the problem I inherited from my Depression-era parents. If something is still good...you keep it. If there is some utility left in a thing, you save it for that one time you might need it, even if that could be 30 years in the future. So you hold on to something in a garage or an attic or a closet until it's needed. Unless it's not. It will be hard for me, but I plan on throwing away a set of encyclopedias which have been sitting in my folks' place for over 50 years. Sure, I used them to write reports in grade school, but who wants 50-year old knowledge in book form when the Internet is at your fingertips? They're still good! Someone might want them! But who?!? I talked with my cousin the other day and he told me to just let go. Everyone has this fantasy that their shit is valuable especially if it's old. No. It's just old shit.

I have been taking a few steps on my own over the past few weeks. We have had 3 old CRT TVs sitting in the garage for about 10 years. I held on to them because I thought they could be good for gaming when we held furmeets. Well, we don't host furmeets hardly ever anymore. How many times have they been used for gaming. Zero. Oh! Let's fret on the proper disposal of old TVs. Bullshit! Into the garbage they went! And now they're gone. Do I miss them? No. All it did was give me a sense of well-being. I smile when I see that little bit of extra space in the garage.

I said I talked to my cousin a few days ago. He has converted his entire basement into a gigantic model railroad. It has always been his passion. I hope to see it next week. It's supposed to be a sight to behold. I plan on giving him my Dad's old Lionel set which I inherited 20 years ago. How many times have I set it up especially around Christmastime? Never! The set I coveted so much as a child has no meaning to me now. I plan on giving my cousin the set to incorporate some cars into his layout and to sell the rest to his modeling buddies, splitting the profit. It felt good to get rid of one more thing from my closet.

One thing I need to part with is my beer can collection. That was a big thing in the 70's! I had a whole wall covered in my basement. It was my thing! I used to love dumpster diving for strange and exotic brands! Yesterday I found a box, and right on top was Billy Beer. This was the beer named after Jimmy Carter's brother. Oooo! I wonder how much I could get for one on eBay? The answer...about $0.25. I saw one unopened can for sale for $5. Oh, but shipping and handling was $7. So yeah. I'm thinking about having one more trip down Nostalgia Lane, and then tossing everything into the recycle bin.

Since the weather is crappy and the days are short, I have been watching a lot of TV. That's OK. This is my downtime season. I kinda like hibernating a little bit. Fortunately there is a lot of good stuff to watch.

"The Mayor of Kingstown" - Paramount+ - Jeremy Renner can be more than Hawkeye. He plays a strange character who acts as a go-between in a prison town between the police, the prison guards, and the gangs inside. He tries to make a very broken and corrupt system work. Very gritty.

"After Life" - Netflix - They wrap up the series where Ricky Gervais plays a mourning husband who slowly gives up thoughts of suicide and instead embraces life. Sure, it's sappy and sentimental, but also funny.

"The Expanse" - Amazon - I think this might also be the last season for this critically-acclaimed sci-fi. They tied everything up and ended on a good note.

"Centaurworld" - I saw this mentioned on a furry site somewhere, and it sounded interesting. I called it "My Little Pony" meets "Adventuretime." It looks like it's made for kids, but some of the humor and situations are definitely NOT for kids. It seems that you either love it or hate it. Put me in the "love" column.

"The Witcher" - Netflix - I finally gave in and decided to give this sword-and-sorcery show a try. It came out right after "G.o.T." had ended, and everyone said it was going to be the next big thing. So far it has been alright. I was having a tough time trying to keep the different stories straight (just like I did with my first 2 attempts at GoT), but now I think I got the thing figured out. It's OK. It's has been keeping our interest and we are willing to invest in S2.

"Cobra Kai" - I'm back at watching the modern-day update to "The Karate Kid." I think the show is approaching the shark tank where they can either jump over them or just call it quits. Now they're incorporating characters from the movie "Karate Kid 3." Bringing in plot points from 2 was bad enough, but now you're going into the "direct to DVD" category. The plot just isn't fresh and fun any more. It's starting to take itself too seriously instead of just being campy fun. I'm done after this season.

"The Book of Boba Fett - Disney+ - Disney keeps cranking out side stories to the Star Wars universe. Fortunately, they have been well done, for the most part. They're even doing crossovers with "The Mandalorian." Keep that merchandising machine cranking! The stories are fun and well-written. They probably have nice budgets, so the special effects are top notch. Just good escapism television.

Movies:
"Power of the Dog" - There has been a lot of Oscar buzz around this Netflix movie, so we gave it a watch. I just see that the Oscar nominations came out this morning and this film is at the top of the list. How timely! It's very well done. It reminded me a lot of "No Country for Old Men" or "There Will Be Blood" (2 of my favorites). I'll probably have to watch it again. Benedict Cumberbatch does a great job as a brooding cowboy. It's very much character-driven which is great because the acting is so good. I hope it wins!

"Miles Davis: Birth of the Cool" - Netflix - I had been wanting to see this documentary about the famous jazz trumpet player and it finally became available. I like his music, especially his early stuff. You can keep the more modern stuff. He lived a really fascinating life and contributed so much to jazz. It was a pleasure to watch. It lead me to my next movie.

"Elevator to the Gallows" - HBO - In the Miles Davis doc, they mentioned that he scored a French movie when he was living in Paris in the 50's. It was the first time that a movie score was written by the movie being played on a screen in the studio and the musician simply improvised for the mood the director wanted for that scene. The score was a huge hit in the States which lead to people also wanting to see the foreign movie. It is very noir with a man killing his lover's husband but the plot goes horribly wrong when he gets trapped in an elevator while some punk steals his identity who then commits another murder. I thought it would be pretentious crap, but it was actually very exciting. OK. There is some pretentious crap as the lover wanders the streets of Paris wondering where her lover has disappeared to. But Davis' score makes it cool.

I just got back from a visit to Costco with Kitty. The last time I was there I picked up a pair of Kirkland jeans. I have been wearing jeans a lot since I stared working from home and realized I needed a new pair. The pair I bought fit very loosely. Hmmm. Had I lost THAT much weight? On today's visit I bought a pair a size smaller. Would they fit? I haven't been this size since...I have no idea! I just tried them on and...BINGO! A perfect fit! I couldn't get Kitty to stop staring at my butt. I really need to hop on a scale at some point. The last time I was at at doctor's office I had made a nice reduction to pre-pandemic levels.

At the height of the pandemic I had definitely put on "the COVID 19." I was at the fattest I had ever been. My pants were tight and I could feel my body fighting back. I knew my BP (pop!) had gone through the roof. I felt like shit. I still don't feel 100%, but now I'm wondering if it's just the old age starting to kick in. I just can't go on those 5-7 mile hikes any more. Maybe I just need to go to a national park where there are beautiful trails where I would get motivated by the scenery. My walkies through neighborhoods are starting to get pretty boring.

At least I'm getting to a point where it would be OK to maintain. I set a goal to lose a pound a week. That seemed pretty reasonable and obtainable. But at one pound a week, that would be 52 pounds a year! Oh hell yeah! That would at least get me down to college weight. I'd like to see how close I am. Until then I will just keep doing what I have been doing. Portion control has been the key. Mindful eating has been the other factor. I have been careful about what I have been putting in my body. I have been limiting the amount of prepared food I eat. I will cook my own pork and chicken myself, thank you very much. I'm just hoping my body cooperates with me, especially my heart, which I seem to have only just so much control. I hope it appreciates that it doesn't have to work as hard as a year ago.

There's a question that has been bouncing around my brain which I really don't want an answer to. It's a moot point, but I have been wondering if COVID played a role in my Mom's death. Both of her caregivers eventually tested positive for the virus. Since they are in contact with the elderly, they have to test constantly. Before I had even arrived they had said that one of the caregivers tested positive, but it was after Mom had shown some mild symptoms like coughing. Since she had advanced COPD, however, coughing sort of goes with the territory. The company even suggested the possibility that Mom had passed it on to the caretakers since there had been some guests between Christmas and New Years. There is debate whether they were masked or not.

The key to this whole thing is Mom's doctor. She specializes in geriatric medicine. She knew Mom's condition very well, having treated her for years. She knew it was terminal. She had the DNR Order in place. Mom was adamant that she wanted to die at home. I believe that all of these factors were in play during Mom's final days. The company had wanted Mom tested. Her doctor balked. I think she knew that if Mom HAD tested positive, it could have opened the floodgates to a tidal wave of shit that could have set things in motion that nobody wanted. Would Mom's caretakers be forbidden to keep visiting? Would there have been some mandatory hospitalization involved? Would that have then affected the funeral? I know when her brother died last year during the initial outbreak, only a small number of immediate family was allowed at the final service. I don't know if the rumors were true about mandatory cremation. I'm not sure about mandatory closed casket either. But once again, that's neither here nor there. It's over. It's done. She went the way she wanted to go. Her quality of life was diminishing quickly, and she checked out before she entered that horrible bedridden stage. The timing was right all the way around. All of the puzzle pieces came together in the best way it could have happened even though no one wants that puzzle to be completed. But guess what? That puzzle awaits us all. I loved something Mom said a few time last year, "I'm in no hurry, but I really am curious as to what is on the other side."

My sister arrived safely yesterday and headed off to stay at Mom's. Kitty arrived a little later and we headed off to our hotel. It was then time to relax and plan our next course of action.

Today we did various tasks. We picked out an outfit for Mom, and Sis brought it over to the funeral home. I did more mundane tasks like stopping the mail and cancelling her newspaper subscription. Kitty went with Sis to buy floral arrangements. I called a restaurant near the cemetery and arranged for an "after the burial" luncheon. It's nice to have "fuck you" money now so I can pay for a luncheon for 30-40 people and not give a damn on what it costs. We're gonna send off Mom the right way! Open bar!!!

All of her oxygen equipment has been sent back. Her hearing aids have been returned for an almost-full refund. Tomorrow we get rid of the wheelchair I had arranged for her. Then I head off to a local bakery to buy a bunch of tasty treats for the memorial service. My Sis and I have planned out a return visit in less than a month to do the (in)famous "keep or toss" process that happens after every death.

My last post was prophetic. Mom passed away just a little after 8 pm last night. The circumstances played out like a movie.

I left Mom's house around 4:00 to go to the grocery store to get some salads for dinner. I got to the hotel about an hour later and proceeded to put on sleep clothes while pouring a bourbon. I had just started to chill when I got a message from her caregiver that Mom was going downhill fast. She had a DNR in place and her doctor did not want anyone to call 911 because it would just draw out the inevitable for who knows how long. With COVID restrictions we might never see her again. It was also her wish to die at home and not in some hospital.

I debated on what to do. I had a bourbon already so I was not 100% sober. Perhaps this was just an over-reaction and that everything would be fine. But what if it wasn't. I decided that I was probably more sober than after a typical C.U.N.T. get-together and it would be better to be safe than sorry. I threw some clothes in a bag and even grabbed the whiskey. I could just as easily watch the football game at Mom's as I could in the hotel room.

I got home to find Mom in her bed with labored breathing. She was pretty much unresponsive. I held her hand and tried talking to her. I called my sister and let her know that I thought the end was near. I had tried to call the priest at her church, but got voicemail. She called Mom's friend who lives near the church who knows EVERYONE in the office. Mom's breathing became shallower and shallower. I called her brother to let him know that the end was near. I didn't expect him to jump in the car and drive over, but I wanted to keep him close in the loop. As I hung up with him I was surprised to see a priest standing in back of me. Mom's friend had gotten ahold of someone, and he had come right over. He gave her the last rites and I perceived an acknowledgment from her that she knew what was going on. He gave her a blessing in Polish, and with a sigh and a slight shudder, she passed on over to the other side. I asked the priest, "It's not supposed to work like that, is it?" He said it was not uncommon that people just let go at that last moment.

Mom's caregiver had been on the line to her doctor during most of this time. She had that matter-of-fact professionalism that guided us through the whole process. Unfortunately I had to call the police who had to call the paramedics. Once they saw it was a 95-year old woman in her bed with a DNR order from the doctor, it was just the formality of documenting a dead person. I called our local mortician whose family has been in the area for generations. They came to claim the body, and that was it. I had a few drinks in the silence of the house and fell asleep in my old bed. Now comes the final stages of arranging the funeral and cleaning up the loose ends. Kitty should be here tomorrow to help me get through. *heavy sigh*

It was a very low-key "event" last night. scritchwuff was out of town, so I didn't have a drinking buddy. Therefore I just had a few Polish beers throughout the night and some champagne around midnight. We had invited some local furs over, but only one took us up on the offer. It was understandable. Some had COVID exposure. Some were exhausted from work. Add on to that we had a pretty significant rain storm which dampened the mood. I didn't even have a desire to fursuit at midnight because everything was so wet outside. That didn't stop a lot of neighbors blowing off mortars like it was the 4th of July. We also played the traditional New Mexico game, "Fireworks or gunshots." So that was it. We watched various New Years Eve specials and felt old as all the musical acts that were announced were met with "Who?!?" from Kitty and myself. If I saw one more white rapper I was going to throw something through the TV. I must say, however, that I'm having more and more respect for Miley Cyrus. She can sing and can also poke fun at herself. And that's about it! Welcome 2022. We're watching the Rose Bowl Parade and it's refreshing to have TV coverage that is actually showing the floats and bands without celebrities and other "personalities" hogging up the coverage with banal commentary and/or self-serving promotion.

I decided to take a couple of days off after Christmas since I had some "use or lose" time. I had no real plans. I just wanted to sit and veg in front of the boob tube. During the weekend I overdosed on football, but I also watched a few things with Kitty in addition to our usual Christmas routine of "It's a Wonderful Life," "Four Christmases," "A Christmas Story," and "Christmas Vacation." My "new" favorite tradition is "A Very Murray Christmas" on Netflix. What else have I been watching?

"Encanto" - In our holiday phone call with albear and dexter_fox, Dex recommended the movie. In the background we heard Al going "meh!" So we gave it a shot. I guess I agree more with Al. I know Disney is trying to be as multi-cultural as possible, and I see nothing wrong with pulling away from the white princess model, but at least make the story coherent and relevant. "Soul" was outstanding. "Inside Out" was also very good. This movie, as Al eloquently stated, was meh. Go back to making movies about talking animals.

"Don't Look Up" - A very black comedy about a comet heading to Earth which will probably end humanity. A great movie for our time with Meryl Streep playing a Trump-like president who denies there is a comet heading for Earth and tells her constituents to just don't look up and you won't see the comet. Problem solved! If you want a more serious take on an Earth-ending comet, I would recommend "Greenland" as a pretty good disaster movie.

"Matrix: Resurrection" I saw that it was free on HBO Max, so I gave it a watch. Yeah. It's pretty much what I expected. It picked up where the last one left off (which I barely remember) and incorporates the original trilogy into the new plot. That worked pretty well. In terms of new plot and special effects, to quote Albear..."meh." More of the same types of action. The first film was groundbreaking. This seems to be more in the vane of "let's just throw something pretty and guaranteed to get an audience to make more money." I have to wonder about some of the "inside jokes" that I noticed. In the opening scene there is a sign visible for a second or 2 for "Sabor de Mierda." Did I see that? "Taste of Shit?!?" Yup. Later there is another 1 second shot of the sign that says "For people who like to eat shit." Okaaaaay.

"Death to 2021" Last year Netflix did a mockumentary year-end review of the shitshow known as 2020. So they did another one for the continuing shitshow of 2021. I liked it! I found it very funny.

What else have I been viewing?

I'm continuing to re-watch "Seinfeld." I see they started really hitting their stride in S4. That was the season of "The Contest" which I consider one of the best episodes of any TV show. I also jumped ahead to the Festivus episode from the last season since everyone on social media was wishing everyone a "Happy Festivus" on December 23rd.

"Cowboy Bebop" I finished the animated series. OK. Been there, Done that. Not sure if we'll continue the live-action version with John Cho. Netflix has already canceled S2. That should tell you something.

"The Sopranos" I've really been enjoying re-watching this series. I'm up to the last season.

"Hawkeye" - Kitty has been making me watch the latest superhero saga. Thank goodness it had a Christmas flavor since watching it could be classified as watching something Christmasy over the holiday season. But, no. Seriously. My belly is REALLY full of superhero bullshit especially having to know every single member of the Marvel Universe and every minor plot point you might have missed.

"Aggretsuko" It's back for another season! It's my little blast of furriness that I still enjoy.

"Inside Job" Another recommendation from Al and Dex. This one is a keeper. I've been enjoying it.

"Curb Your Enthusiasm" I really like the comedy of Larry David. There's nothing funnier than a neurotic Jew. There was so much cringe-worthy comedy including him borrowing shoes from a Holocaust exhibit since he needed a pair at that moment. Also watch out for J.B. Smoove as the next up-and-coming comedian. He's been in a lot lately, and on this show he's hysterical.