Mom Visit - Endgame
Jan. 18th, 2022 07:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabotloursMy last post was prophetic. Mom passed away just a little after 8 pm last night. The circumstances played out like a movie.
I left Mom's house around 4:00 to go to the grocery store to get some salads for dinner. I got to the hotel about an hour later and proceeded to put on sleep clothes while pouring a bourbon. I had just started to chill when I got a message from her caregiver that Mom was going downhill fast. She had a DNR in place and her doctor did not want anyone to call 911 because it would just draw out the inevitable for who knows how long. With COVID restrictions we might never see her again. It was also her wish to die at home and not in some hospital.
I debated on what to do. I had a bourbon already so I was not 100% sober. Perhaps this was just an over-reaction and that everything would be fine. But what if it wasn't. I decided that I was probably more sober than after a typical C.U.N.T. get-together and it would be better to be safe than sorry. I threw some clothes in a bag and even grabbed the whiskey. I could just as easily watch the football game at Mom's as I could in the hotel room.
I got home to find Mom in her bed with labored breathing. She was pretty much unresponsive. I held her hand and tried talking to her. I called my sister and let her know that I thought the end was near. I had tried to call the priest at her church, but got voicemail. She called Mom's friend who lives near the church who knows EVERYONE in the office. Mom's breathing became shallower and shallower. I called her brother to let him know that the end was near. I didn't expect him to jump in the car and drive over, but I wanted to keep him close in the loop. As I hung up with him I was surprised to see a priest standing in back of me. Mom's friend had gotten ahold of someone, and he had come right over. He gave her the last rites and I perceived an acknowledgment from her that she knew what was going on. He gave her a blessing in Polish, and with a sigh and a slight shudder, she passed on over to the other side. I asked the priest, "It's not supposed to work like that, is it?" He said it was not uncommon that people just let go at that last moment.
Mom's caregiver had been on the line to her doctor during most of this time. She had that matter-of-fact professionalism that guided us through the whole process. Unfortunately I had to call the police who had to call the paramedics. Once they saw it was a 95-year old woman in her bed with a DNR order from the doctor, it was just the formality of documenting a dead person. I called our local mortician whose family has been in the area for generations. They came to claim the body, and that was it. I had a few drinks in the silence of the house and fell asleep in my old bed. Now comes the final stages of arranging the funeral and cleaning up the loose ends. Kitty should be here tomorrow to help me get through. *heavy sigh*
I left Mom's house around 4:00 to go to the grocery store to get some salads for dinner. I got to the hotel about an hour later and proceeded to put on sleep clothes while pouring a bourbon. I had just started to chill when I got a message from her caregiver that Mom was going downhill fast. She had a DNR in place and her doctor did not want anyone to call 911 because it would just draw out the inevitable for who knows how long. With COVID restrictions we might never see her again. It was also her wish to die at home and not in some hospital.
I debated on what to do. I had a bourbon already so I was not 100% sober. Perhaps this was just an over-reaction and that everything would be fine. But what if it wasn't. I decided that I was probably more sober than after a typical C.U.N.T. get-together and it would be better to be safe than sorry. I threw some clothes in a bag and even grabbed the whiskey. I could just as easily watch the football game at Mom's as I could in the hotel room.
I got home to find Mom in her bed with labored breathing. She was pretty much unresponsive. I held her hand and tried talking to her. I called my sister and let her know that I thought the end was near. I had tried to call the priest at her church, but got voicemail. She called Mom's friend who lives near the church who knows EVERYONE in the office. Mom's breathing became shallower and shallower. I called her brother to let him know that the end was near. I didn't expect him to jump in the car and drive over, but I wanted to keep him close in the loop. As I hung up with him I was surprised to see a priest standing in back of me. Mom's friend had gotten ahold of someone, and he had come right over. He gave her the last rites and I perceived an acknowledgment from her that she knew what was going on. He gave her a blessing in Polish, and with a sigh and a slight shudder, she passed on over to the other side. I asked the priest, "It's not supposed to work like that, is it?" He said it was not uncommon that people just let go at that last moment.
Mom's caregiver had been on the line to her doctor during most of this time. She had that matter-of-fact professionalism that guided us through the whole process. Unfortunately I had to call the police who had to call the paramedics. Once they saw it was a 95-year old woman in her bed with a DNR order from the doctor, it was just the formality of documenting a dead person. I called our local mortician whose family has been in the area for generations. They came to claim the body, and that was it. I had a few drinks in the silence of the house and fell asleep in my old bed. Now comes the final stages of arranging the funeral and cleaning up the loose ends. Kitty should be here tomorrow to help me get through. *heavy sigh*
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no subject
Date: 2022-01-18 07:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-21 12:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-18 09:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-21 12:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-19 01:39 am (UTC)*hugs* ...........
I'm glad it turned out to be a relatively calm crossing-over, my friend....
and reading "She had that matter-of-fact professionalism that guided us through the whole process" ... that is probably the most reassuring comfort one can have at a time like this. Thank heavens you had good people to help toward the final days....
no subject
Date: 2022-01-21 12:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-19 02:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-21 12:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-21 02:07 am (UTC)And we had to replace the secret handshake due to COVID. Now it's a secret elbow bump. And it's just a regular elbow bump. Don't tell anyone.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-19 06:12 am (UTC)I never have the words, but you know I mean well.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-21 12:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-19 06:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-21 12:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-20 06:57 pm (UTC)The fact that you have been there for her through the years has been incredible. And then at the end you were still there to make sure all the things happened as she wanted— well, she couldn’t have asked for someone better to be around. I’m sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself and each other.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-21 12:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-23 01:27 am (UTC)I'm glad for you that you were able to be there at the end. *tight hugs*
no subject
Date: 2022-01-23 10:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-02-01 09:20 pm (UTC)Please take care.